Friday, February 02, 2007

Update and Places....


Just as I posted this, Scott called. Grandpa's blood pressure went down and he is back in critical condition.

Please pray for him.

Last night we didn't get much news. By the time they admitted Grandpa into the ICU it was late. His vitals seemed to get better and they plan to do some tests this morning. They are concerned about 2 things, his heart and where the bleeding is coming from. If surgery is required to stop the bleed, they need to make sure his heart can handle it.

So we wait.

Before leaving the hospital, we were allowed 3 at a time to go in and say goodnight. At first they were going to have 2 of us go in at one time, until they realized......there is alot of us. Scott, Uncle Leroy and I went first. I was very proud of Scott but concerned for him as well. This man is a Father to Scott in so many ways that his own father could never be. And here he was hooked up to machines, frightened and vulnerable. One good thing is Grandpa was aware of his surroundings and able to communicate. Grandpa also suffers from MS so it is very difficult to understand him as his speech is not good. We were able to understand him when he said that he loves everyone and that he was scared. Some things can be understood with no words spoken. I kissed his hand and bid him a good night. I hope he rested because he will go through alot today.

I came to work today so that I don't use much vacation time. Might need it for later.
Scott and his family are on there way and will call me when they get any news.

That is the part of the update.

Now, places.

Grandpa Jasper is a veteran and is at the Veterans Hospital. For those who don't know, (what am I thinking....I only have 4 readers) Uncle Tim was treated at the Veteran's hospital for quite some time. The 5th floor is where he resided each time. I can count 5 rooms that he was in.

The first time Jasper went to the Veteran's was about 8 months after Tim passed. Out of respect for Scott I bravely made the trip with him, not knowing how I would react. Upon entering the building, I had a mild panic attack. While I was in the bathroom trying to get it together, Scott was finding out where Grandpa was. I kept muttering to myself...please not the 5th floor. please not the 5th floor. please not the 5th floor.....

Grandpa was on the 5th floor.

It took all the strength I had to get off the elevator, and let's just say I didn't do very well. Lucky for me Grandpa was released after 2 days and I didn't have to go there again.

Fast forward to last night.

Sitting in the Emergency Room waiting room. Also thinking of Tim, because one trip to the hospital started in the ER. The time that I told him to cover himself cuz I didn't want to see his business. He was out of it and snapped back saying, "But I have business to take care of!!" Days later when I told him about that, he laughed and said "I wonder what business I had." LOL!

So, while waiting in the ER waiting room, I was doing OK. Not bad at all. I went with Janna to get lunch for everyone and when we returned, most of the family had left. Jasper had been admitted to his room. I looked at Scott and asked what floor......He looked in my eyes as if to brace me and said.

The 5th floor.

My knees buckled and I thought 'GEEZ....does this hospital have any other rooms on any other floors???!!!!'

Going up to the 5th floor and surprisingly I was OK. Going into the ICU waiting room again, being there before with Tim and I was still ok. After a while it started to get stuffy and I asked Scott to go with me for a walk. He had no idea, but I wanted to see if I would still be ok by going to the 5 rooms where Tim was. I went through the hallways past the nurses station in 5A passed all 5 rooms stopping slightly in front of each one, and you know what?

I was ok.

I realize, this place is not my Uncle Tim. This place is merely walls that contained his body, but not his spirit. A place where alot of tears were shed, but also alot of laughter. Family time. Precious time. Time that I would never want to relive again but when walking through that place, I remember. I remember Tim. Everyday.

I am certain Scott didn't know what my thought process was while I was walking the halls.....maybe he did. I felt it was something I had to do, and I am so glad I did it. Would I be able to go to the nursing home? Probably not. Nor do I ever want to try that. I know that it too was a shell that held his body for a while, but that is something I am not ready to do.

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