Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Ahhh! The infamous red suit....

Many of you have heard the story of me and the red suit, but most of you have not actually "seen" pictures of the red suit....And for those of you who have never heard the story or seen pictures, then you're in for a treat because here and now, I am going to tell you the story of all stories....

The Red Suit

Once upon a time there was a little girl who was in Mrs. Coash 3rd grade class. She was a bright girl full of life and charm (look its my story....you want a story about you? write one) Now where was I? .....oh yes....life and charm....

While in class this young bright girl would dream of yellow brick roads, candy canes, and ways to smother her pesky little brother without anyone putting the blame on her. It was during one of these fantasies that Mrs. Coash had an announcement. The announcement would be revealed after 2nd recess and everyone was giddy with anticipation. (ok, perhaps "giddy" is not the right word, but I am leading up to something here) After recess, the students filed into the classroom wondering what the announcement would be. Could it be that Mrs. Coash finally decided to remove her moustache? Or could it be that the principle was in fact a cross dresser at night and was recently caught peddling lingerie? Oh, the anticipation was excruciating! After the 2nd recess bell rang and the class settled down......Mrs. Coash stood up......announced to the class that.......are you ready......ok, here it is...... The class was going to put on a play for our parents!!! WHAT!!???? A play???!!!! What about the catapillar growing on your lip????!!!

Needless to say we all cheered at the announcement..... Seems that the play we were going to perform was about Smokey the Bear and the dangers of forest fires. Not exactly Rent or Dreamgirls, but what the hell. Now because we are the 3rd Grade class of Matheson Park we have no budget, it is up to the students and parents to make the costumes.

Because this was 3rd grade, we didn't have auditions or anything we were told that the characters were placed on the board. Everyone ran to the board looking for their name....Boys were wondering if they would play Smokey, girls were wondering if they were going to be the Mountain slut. (again this was a long time ago, I am just making 1/2 this stuff up, although I did hear that one of my classmates did go on and became the junior high school slut of the year)

Anyway, I digress, as the bright, cheerful girl scanned the list for her name, she wondered, would there be a singing solo? Should I get acting lessons to improve my already natural capabilities? As thoughts raced in her mind, she finally found her name and was surprised to found that she would play the part of Narrator. At first she was upset, there would be no physical acting but then realized that none of the fools she went to school with had a nice speaking voice like she, so it was only obvious why Mrs. Coash handpicked her to do the important job.

After school, the excited children ran home to tell their parents the fantastic news! The young girl walked the 30 steps from the classroom door to the air conditioned, green, Chevy Nova. Why? Cuz this girl did NOT WALK HOME! She was forced to walk home 1 time and that was so traumatic that her mother never made her do it again. (That will be another blog entry soon)

Anyway, as the girl uses all of her might to shut the 85 pound car door she shoots a look to her brother as if to say, don't mess with me today, I have big things going on.

Now, I am not certain of the exact conversation but I think it went something like this....

Mother: How was your day at school princess?

The Princess: It was ok, we are....

Interupted by troll brother..... "Mom, she's touching me!!!"

Mother: Son, cut it out, leave your sister alone!! It looks like she has exciting news and wants to tell us all about it.

The Princess: (sighs) Thank you Mother, sometimes he can be such a pain.

The Mother: I know dear, your father and I think there is something wrong with him, we are waiting to take him to the Doctor to have him analyzed....But please continue with your exciting news....

The Princess: We are putting together a play for the parents and I am playing the narrator, and you need to make my costume! The play is 3 weeks from this friday! The girl thinks.....wait....what the hell does a narrator wear?

The Mother: (thinking) 3 weeks from friday, 3 weeks from friday, 3 weeks from friday. She then realizes that 3 weeks from friday is the day her Adult Bible Study Group/Bowling League is leaving for Las Vegas, and won't be able to make the play. They are hoping to win enough money to send the boy to a special school where he won't feel like an outcast and figure out why he picks his toenails all the time. So, as to not wanting to disappoint her daughter, she comes up with a plan to make the girl an outfit that will end all outfits.

After dumping the boy with his father, the beautiful mother and young girl skip to the House of Fabrics. They pour over countless books in search of just the right pattern. Should they go with a dress? Or perhaps a skirt and a nice sweater? All of a sudden as if it were a sign from above, the perfect pattern is found. Its a McCall's B5670. The most beautiful tailored pant, with a matching jacket. The girls giggle with joy. All that is left to do is find the perfect material.

Just as the pattern was found, miracoulsly so was the most beautiful shade of red polyester material. The mother kindly asks the clerk to cut 3 yards of the material not even glancing at the price, why? Because nothing is too good for her daughter and her debut. As they leave the store, the Mother states, "As soon as I strap your brother in his bed for bedtime, I will start working on it for you dear" The daughter is so happy and prays that her brother does not have one of his episodes that night.

For the next 2 1/2 weeks the young girl studies her lines. She teaches herself to use her words with effectiveness while accentuating words and phrases. She also takes a trip to the local community college to sit with the acting students just to get her creative juices flowing. While she is perfecting her craft, her lovely mother is hard at work, making sure each stitch is sewn with love. Now, because she is a seamstress and not a shoemaker, she decides to splurge and buy her lovely daughter matching red mary-jane shoes. She finds the perfect pair at Margo's Boutique. They are kind of pricey and the Mother is worried on how she will be able to afford them. She decides that she will cut the boy's medication in half and hope that he doesn't hurt himself for the rest of the month. It's a gamble, but the shoes were perfect, and she wants to make it perfect for her when she tells the girl the bad news that she and the father will not be able to make it due to their important trip. Seems that there are people in Africa that need praying for and its important for the mission to band together and achieve this.

Meanwhile, at school the children are getting everything together like stage props and materials for their costumes. Some of the other girls are snippy and make fun of the young girl, saying "What are you going to wear? There is no costumes for narrators" The young girl's reaction was simply to turn her nose and walk away, it wasn't worth it. Besides, come friday, they were going to eat their words when they see what I am wearing! ha!

As play day approaches, the Mother realizes she better get a stand in for her and the Father so that someone can enjoy the play. She calls her sister to do the job. Her sister is delighted to be the stand in because she just loves her niece and would do anything for her. Still, the mother is disappointed she cannot attend.

The day before the play, as the Mother is getting her stuff ready for her trip. Her Holy Bible, her Rosary, etc. she comes across the itinerary for the trip and sees that the plane doesn't leave until the afternoon. She and the Father will be able to make it after all! She was so happy and knew that her many prayers had been answered. If only she could find out why her son picks his toenails, then could it truly be a miracle.

The morning of the play, the young girl quietly enters her Mother's room with great anticipation of the masterpiece her mother has created. She has been looking forward to this day for a long 3 weeks and now its finally here. Her mother pulls the garment from her closet, unzips the protective covering from it and, as she pulls out the red suit the young girl gasps. It is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen. That is, until she opens the box that contains the shoes from Margo's Boutique. She is overcome with tears at the thought of her making this dress with her whole heart that she is almost weak as she slips it on. Her mother declares, "I know the play is in the morning but, I think it would be great if you wore the suit ALL DAY long so that the other students can see what a lovely girl you are." The girl agrees, and is excited to show those fat, greasy haired, stupid girls just who has the best costume. The tone and conviction that the mother uses to say the words ALL DAY was later used in the film The Color Purple, where the Miss Millie tells Sophia she can spend Christmas with her family ALL DAY. The royalties from the movie we received finally abled the boy to get the medical attention he needed. I am happy to say that he no longer picks his toenails, but he now picks his nose. Some things are just not curable.

So, now that the girl is dressed, she and her Mother make their way to school. Again, getting in the green Chevy nova because if the girl didn't walk home from school, she certainly was not going to walk to school. As the girl emerges from the car, the crowd of children turned their heads and parted as to make a pathway for the girl to sashay. The beautiful Mother was so proud of her daughter and her creation that she wept. The crowd was hush, except for a few jealous girls who whispered. Where could they get a suit and matching Mary Janes? The girl chuckled as if to say, "Dear child, this is an original. It is so rare, that the pattern was destroyed at the completion of this outfit. So get over me and get over yourself."

She enters Mrs. Coash's classroom and suddenly everything is different. The room has not changed, the students haven't changed, but still, the girl feels as if something is just not quite right. Could it be that overnight she became something bigger and better, could it be that this suit gave her an inner self assurance she always had but never to this degree? Whatever it was, the girl had it going on and was rolling with it.

She noticed that the other classmates were dressed as they always had. Where we their costumes? Did they not pay attention to the teacher when the assignment was handed out? And what were they thinking wearing plaid pants and a print shirt? Surely they were going to change before the play started.

The time was now approaching. The girl wonders 'Where are everyone's costumes? Why is my favorite Aunt here also? Why are my parents holding their travel Bible and rolls of quarters? Will my brother ever stop picking his toenails? And who the hell dressed Andrew Cuellar in those ridiculous pants?'

Everyone takes their places and it becomes apparant that the only one who listened was the dazzling girl. She took direction and excelled with her assignment. She is the only one dressed for the occasion. The play lasts approximately 35 minutes and the crowd cheers! BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO!!!!

The production was a success. The acting was flawless and the Narrator worked her lines like she worked the red suit. All was fabulous until the girl realized......she is going to have to wear this suit ALL DAY! And that my friends is the look she had when this picture was snapped.

And so, there you have it.....The story of the Red Suit.....

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

funny funny!!! I am sure you were the star of the show!! ha ha and poor billy....